OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
