Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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