so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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