Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
