Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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