i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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