i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
