how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
