Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
