that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
That accounts for only three of the penises
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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