I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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