Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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