He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
