mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
