the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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