he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
