What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
