Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
