In the future we'll all be gay
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
