the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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