Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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