alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
