No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
