when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
