Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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