Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
