last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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