Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
