my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
