Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
