She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
