this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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