did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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