I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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