just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
