god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
