This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize