I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
