i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
