dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
