So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
