I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
