I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
