This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
