You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
