take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
