I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
