I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
