So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
