Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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