On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
