Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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