Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
