I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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