Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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