Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
