Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
