We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
