I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
