My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
