She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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