my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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