So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
