I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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