On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
