cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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