Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize