two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
