You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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