dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize