Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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