How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
3pm strippers are depressing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
