he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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