yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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