I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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