Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize