At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
