My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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