No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
