I just threw up on my dentist
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
