I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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