it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
