I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
