I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
