I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Text me some of your sweat
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
