well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
