your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
