Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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