I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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