one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
