No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You are the jesus of drinking
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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