I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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