Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
