Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
