Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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