oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
